So lately I have been feeling lost. I went on a trip to Toronto and I had no idea that it would literally change my life. I want to share my experience here, this is a rough post to make but I feel like it is important.
The beginning of “Life of a GOT”
So I feel like it is important to give some background. I originally started my blog earlier this year as a way to share my travel experiences with Chick-fil-A. I accepted a position as an International Grand Opening trainer, and initially we thought there was going to be a lot of travel. We (all the IGOT’s) committed to a year of training at international restaurants, we expected about 3 “service opportunities” as they call them, with about 4-6 weeks of commitment for each grand opening. Meaning I was expecting to be doing a LOT of traveling, so I thought the blog would be a great way to share my experiences with friends and family who might want to follow along.
*the travel commitment ended up being far less than what we initially expected, to much disappointment from all of us*
The more I got into the blog the more I realized there was SO MUCH MORE that I wanted to talk about outside of travel. In fact the most viewed post on my blog is my LGBT post talking about my relationship with God as a member of the LGBT community (check out the post here). I got a lot of feedback and really enjoyed making that post. I have also explored a lot of local Knoxville content that has been so much fun to create.
In addition to the blog I have been more active on Instagram and now have a little community of people from all over the world that I talk to regularly. It has been such an amazing experience that it really made me want to take my Instagram to the next level. My best friend (Bri and Beloved) is actually an Instagram Influencer and she makes decent money doing it. She really inspired me, because in my head I never thought that being an “influencer” was a “real job” especially not one that I would be capable of doing.
This all leads up to me wondering if this is something I actually want to try to do. Should I try to make a living from my blog? From Instagram? From both? How do I even begin to do that?
I don’t have the answer to any of those questions, but I do know that I want to share my story. I want to create content that I enjoy, on Youtube, on Instagram, on my blog.
Looking for answers…
When I got back from Toronto I said I wanted to move there. In fact I started planning on it. I was dead set on moving to the point that I started looking for apartments, and trying to find someone to take over my lease here. The more I looked into it however the more complicated it got (imagine that, moving to another country is like, kinda hard?!) and the more I started questioning everything.
In my head I was going to move to Toronto to work at the Chick-fil-A there. The team was amazing, the best team I have ever worked with and I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay and invest in them and watch them grow. I reached out to the Operator once I got home and….nothing. So then I said well I’m just gonna move anyway and hope that when I get there he will offer me the job. Turns out it is really hard to move to Canada (as an American) if you don’t already have a job offer. So now I’m looking at a bigger time frame. I would maybe be able to move around this time next year. By then I don’t even know if I could get a job at that store, or that I would even want it?
This is the point where I started asking myself if I even wanted to work at Chick-fil-A anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I love the community of trainers, getting to travel to new places and train some of the coolest teams. I love teaching and training, I love learning alongside them. There is a rumor that they want to open a Support Center (corp office) in Toronto in the future, and the thought of being able to work there is incredible. I would love to live and work in Toronto, and be able to continue my work with Chick-fil-A. I love this company, what they stand for and their business model. And yet I still have all of these questions circulating in my brain.
Do I stay in Knoxville and continue at KO(my current store) and continue doing international openings? Do I stay at KO at all?
Do I stay in Knoxville? Do I move to Texas? Do I move to Massachusetts? Do I move to Atlanta? Somewhere else? (All places I have potential job offers)
Do I move somewhere and not work at Chick-fil-A? What would I do if I didn’t work at Chick-fil-A? What direction should I take my life in?
Talking to God…
About 6 months ago I started praying to God about my blog, I was lost and confused about what to do. I thought I was being called to expand my blog and talk about more personal issues, but I wasn’t sure. I am constantly riding the line between “this is God talking to you” and “this is your inner self telling you what you want to hear.” So I asked for a sign, a foolproof no way for me to misinterpret it sign from God. And as always, He delivered and showed me that He wanted me to expand my blog and truly dedicate myself to it.
So recently I have been asking Him again, what direction do I go in God? What do I do? and I feel like my prayers are falling on deaf ears. Its like radio silence from God lately and it has me feeling SO frustrated. Why can’t He just tell me what He wants?? Why can’t He just give me a yes or no as to what to do? How do I figure out what to do if He won’t tell me?
All these questions I have been asking; I have prayed, I have cried, I have yelled at God, “ANSWER ME!” “I AM YOUR CHILD AND I AM ASKING FOR HELP, WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME??”
It feels like I will never get answers sometimes, but I know in my heart that He isn’t ignoring me. I know there are bigger plans in place than those that I can fathom, and it is not always in the plan for me to know about it.
So here I am, in a coffee shop on a rainy Monday sharing my current state of affairs with the world of the internet.
I am confused and lost. I am questioning everything in my life right now, my relationships (romantic or not), my living situation, my job, and mostly what direction I want to go into.
What I know now
All that I DO know for sure is
- God loves me and He will never leave me. He is working on things I don’t even know about and He will always listen to me even if I think He isn’t, even if it feels like He isn’t talking back.
- I want to share my life and my experiences with the world. I believe we are all looking for answers in life, and most often they are found through the shared experiences with others. I hope I can be a part of that.
- I enjoy making content for my blog and my Instagram..No matter my follower count, no matter if no one reads this or anything I write I enjoy it.
The end of “Life of a GOT” and the beginning of something bigger…
I want to be intentional with my life. I don’t want to sit around and wait for opportunities to show up. A good friend once said to me “Go where the door is open, but you can’t know if it is open until you knock.” I feel like I have lived my whole life walking down hallways of unlocked doors thinking they were closed off for me, not realizing that if I just knocked a whole world of opportunity would open up for me.
So I am changing my blog name to “Morgana by Design” meaning I want to create my own life. I am knocking on all the doors, and designing a life according to my own desires. I hope you will stick around to see where the adventure takes us.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog today! A lot of time and hard work goes into every single post; all research, photography, editing, and writing are done completely solo. I pride myself in maintaining a 100% ad free blog, and while I love what I do and want to continue creating great content for all of my readers, it doesn’t pay the bills. If you like what you see and want to see more, please consider making a donation to my blog fund linked below.